I am a biochemist and a scientist. I work with DNA. The stuff in our cells that guides the rest of our bodies to make us what we are. Our DNA carries the footprint of our ancestors. As a molecular biologist I am naturally interested in DNA, and more specifically, what my DNA can tell me about myself.
When Ancestry.com came to market with their direct-to-customer sequencing service, both me and my husband were working on projects involving genetics and genomics. Naturally, we jumped on the offer to find out what we were made of, spit in a cup, and sent our samples to be sequenced. My results came back showing that I was 80% Finnish. No surprises there. The rest of my genetic background was predicted to be from the other Scandinavian countries, and a tiny portion even as far as from the British Isles. Wow. I could see the Viking routes in my mind’s eye and internally felt proud of being a descendant from the great voyagers and warriors. Yes, I could definitely feel those genes in me!
Some years later, I did another test. This time with 23andme.com, and in their analysis my genetic disposition had changed to 98% Finnish. Oh well… I still had that 2% left in my genome that could potentially harbor genes from a Viking, or a nomad, or an adventurer from some far-off destination. There was a small probability that a speck of greatness might have trickled down the family-tree to my genes.
But then more and more people had their genomes sequenced, and the software and the prediction algorithms developed with the increasing amount of data. And with that, the results became more and more accurate. Today, when I look at my genetic sequencing results, I am 100% Finnish. No Viking routes, no genetic traits or traces from distant lands. Just a plain-ol-100%-Finn. And my DNA sequence places my roots to the Northern Ostrobothnia region where I am from within Finland! Oh, the disappointment.
But then again. Why was I disappointed to see this? Why would I want to be something else than I am? Would it make me any different, this person, living in this body, even if I found out that a portion of my genetic material comes from the bloodline of some imaginary warrior? Why did I think that my genes should come from outside of Finland to consider these results exciting?
While thinking about this, I remembered a Reiki gathering from six years ago. We had just moved to the United States and I was trying to find local reiki practitioners, since my own training had happened in Finland. Two of the members in the group introduced themselves as mediums with a gift to talk to angels. And at some point of the night, they started talking about their past lives. Both of them claimed to have been on Titanic together in one of their past lives, and they were joking amongst each other how they had been “a little naughty” sharing an illicit affair on the boat. All the while, the person’s real-time, this-life wife was sitting next to them nodding and smiling. The whole scene freaked me out. Everyone there had some glorious story to tell (from their previous lives). I had wanted to practice reiki with a group of like-minded people but ended up in a garage on the outskirts of the town having a conversation about traumatic past lives experiences. I was told that I had been a gypsy and tortured in concentration camps in my past life. Yikes! As the evening progressed, I felt more and more uneasy with the group and finally made an excuse to get the heck out of there. As you can imagine, I never went back to these gatherings again.
What made me think of this now, was the notion that many of us have a desire to find some hidden “greatness” in us, like we would not be enough just the way we are. The practice of looking into past lives may be a way to release trauma, or explain an unconscious burden that we may carry, but is it truly helpful for us to investigate scenarios of a life we can’t have any impact on? We are here to experience this lifetime, and even if all of us were Cleopatra in our previous life, how does that serve us now? Maybe creating a horrifying past life story serves as an excuse to stop trying to change the things we feel bad about? Or maybe we feel that these stories make us sound just a little bit more interesting in the eyes of others?
In a way, I had fallen into the same trap with my DNA sequencing results. The disappointment had risen from the realization that there was nothing in my genetic disposition that could make me feel more interesting to myself. I felt that being just another ordinary 100% Finnish person was not exotic or exciting enough. There were no mysteries hidden in my genome, no secrets to uncover. Nothing to give myself an excuse to feel better about myself or to comfort me when life got boring. Oh, how nice it would be to think: “You’d better watch out, I have Viking blood in my veins!” when I felt downtrodden by others.
I have since realized that being disappointed in the sequencing results was just another indication of me not feeling worthy. I needed to find something outside of me to show me that I am special. But none of us need anything from outside. We can find everything and more, from within. Our experiences, the life we have lived, is totally unique to us. We all have our individual perceptions on the things that happen around us. When one person is in tears watching a touching movie, the other person is bored. Both look at the same movie but see a different thing. Our environment and upbringing give us the framework on how we may behave in certain situations, but we all have our own mind, the power to choose how we perceive life, and most importantly, our own experiences that no one else can replicate.
I invite you to look at yourself with compassion and curiosity. You may find that you can be full of surprises even if you think you know what you are made of. Like our cells that can express the genetic information differently according to the cues that our bodies give them, so can we express ourselves differently from the mold that we think we’re supposed to fill. Know that you don’t need to find exciting stories of seeming greatness to be worthy of all the adventures that life can provide you with. There is greatness in you even if you were “just a plain-ol-100%-Finn”. The biggest adventure starts from within!
