Recently, I started reading Rumi’s poetry. My closest friends might think, “Poetry? Kiki reading poetry?! Now that’s something new…”. But I have been surprised by the amount of thoughts, memories, and feelings a single poem can conjure up.
I felt that this poem was speaking directly to me, as I immediately saw myself as the lover. Disgraceful, crazy, and absentminded.
All these words describe me in one way or another. I have dipped into disgracefulness many times with my North Node in Scorpio. What I’m talking about here, are some of the archetypes of Scorpio that I’ve experienced in my life. Taboos, scandals, sexuality, deep and dark places of our psyche… Yes, that’s my soul whispering to me: “Hey Kiki. You were grounded, stable, loyal, and such a good girl in your previous life. You already know how to do that… This lifetime is your chance to try something a bit more daring. Go on… why not test the darker waters. Try a bit of outrageousness… Go on, I know you’ll like it.”.
And it is true. I sometimes get tickled inside when people are shocked about the things I say. I do it on purpose at times, just to shake them out of their close-mindedness. Or, to test out my audience, so to speak, pushing the boundary a bit. I know I have succeeded in stirring something in others when I sense that they’re not sure if they should judge me or admire me. My honest and unapologetic testimonials may sound scandalous to some, but I have made peace with my beast, and I know how to name it. The beast in me is part of my strength. It’s the untamed self, one’s sexual power. The driving force of creativity. It’s the call of the wild and the part of us that refuses to be put in a box.
Your beast can show you what you’re capable of. So be disgraceful! Dare to look into the darkest depths of your psyche. Be courageous and share it with others and allow them to be surprised. You don’t need to worry about people being uncomfortable. It’s not your task to protect other people’s comfort zones. Their growth lies outside of it too. Why not give them something to think about? Maybe they’ll thank you one day…
Oh yeah, I’ve made peace with my disgracefulness.
What about crazy then? Love it! Crazy, coocoo, unpredictable, a little out there… When my housemates in London described me as “the crazy Finnish girl.”, I was deeply honored and happy to have made such a great impression on them! Crazy to me is fun! I had a life coach who told me that we need to get rid of the word “crazy” in my vocabulary. She suggested I replace ‘crazy’ with words like courageous, bold, unexpected, spontaneous, interesting, unconventional, or uninhibited. I see that the more positive way of describing oneself can be helpful, but why not crazy? It sort of covers all that fun stuff… right? And even Rumi uses it!
And oh boy, have I not made friends with my absentmindedness? I was born quite airy. Triple air, astrologically speaking, so I’ve had the time to graciously accept absentmindedness as a part of my personality. I have so many thoughts that come and go. Plans and inspirations, passed conversations, future conversations, sudden urges, songs, words, spontaneous ideas, and more words. The chatter in my mind goes on and on… And now, in my Pisces progressed moon I feel like I’m constantly elsewhere, lost in thoughts or emotions, not grasping my reality, feeling kind of out of it… I even started reading poetry ;).
So, I let someone sober worry about things going badly. Worrying is like praying for the things you don’t want. I refuse to worry. There is always someone willing to take the job of worrying. No shortage of applicants there, hah!!
I let the lover in me be all the things that make me me, without worrying… Yes. Let the lover be.
